Found this one in the archives…not sure when I wrote it or why I didn’t publish…

So this morning I’m feeling reflective. I got up and got to the gym around 5AM. Don’t be impressed. I don’t recommend going to the gym that early to anyone. It’s stupid and dumb. Anyways I got there to do my work out and started doing what I had to do. Rowing. Burpees. Upper body blah blah blah. And I started thinking -why am I doing this? Is this really making any difference?

I started sort of just doubting (as anyone would at 5:45 AM in the middle of a hard workout having had no caffeine at all). The more I thought about it, the more I took inventory of what has really happened and where I really am, the more I realized just how far He has brought me. I began to see the restoration. I began to see how God has restored my family, my marriage, and continues to restore me.

Positive thinking often tells us to just keep going, never look back, the past is in the past, or your past doesn’t define you. And really all of those things are true. But sometimes we forget that the past does have value. The past helps us to see how far we have come. And if you really look at the past and look at what you came from and how you got to where you are – you will see His fingerprints all over it.

So often when we are in the moment we feel lost or driven or sad or lonely or full of life or spiraling out of control or any other emotion, but we don’t feel the hand of God that is actually at work in us.

When I look back and reflect on how he has restored my family, I’m reminded of moments when I felt like we would never recover. Because of such great horrible tragedy how could we? I’m reminded that even when I thought all hope was lost, even after I buried my son, even after I heard so many say that a marriage can’t survive this type of loss, and that children that lose a sibling grow up with well.. issues. Even after I listened to all of that nonsense, I see now how it doesn’t have to be true.

God loves you. You can be restored.

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